so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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