Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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