i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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