So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
