What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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