Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
