Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Will exercising make me less horny?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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