I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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