the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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