Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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