My cat gives me a boner
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
