best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
