Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
