I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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