i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
