i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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