I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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