3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
