did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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