you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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