I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
