I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
