If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
