So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
