Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
