I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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