Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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