I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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