3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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