Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
