that's an acceptable place to lick
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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