He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
