we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
