drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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