Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
