There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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