After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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