Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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