I wish my penis had an off switch
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just had sex on a roof
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
