I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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