I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
