i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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