Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
