i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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