Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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