Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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