She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
