why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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