Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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