If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
