Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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