take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My dick has a subreddit
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
