you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
