Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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