I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
